“I CAN’T do this anymore.” Cináed MacAlpin covered his face with his hands in a futile attempt to hide from the reality of his dilemma.“What? Heal people?”
Akir’s voice brought him back to reality. They weren’t alone but having lunch in the monastery’s common refectory. Not that he was hungry after yet another morning full of agonizing decisions.
“No, of course not.” Cináed gave up his brief attempt at ignoring the world and looked up at his boyhood friend and fellow healer priest. Even as close as they’d always been, Cináed had never dared speak to Akir about his doubts. He couldn’t put his best friend’s life in danger like that. The Council of Priests would be certain to send the Inquisition after both of them if they found out about his heretic thoughts. “I’m sorry, I’m just tired.”
“It’s been a long morning.” Akir nodded, but his frown didn’t lessen. “I think we could both do with some fresh air before our afternoon duties.”
“Fresh air?” Cináed wanted to lie down and sleep for a week, not go for a walk. Having to refuse treatment to the unworthy had mentally exhausted him. Knowing there was nothing he could do made him furious with helpless anger. He would have preferred to be able to rest before facing his rigorous afternoon warrior training. Blast his father for insisting Cináed didn’t give up that part of the MacAlpin family tradition, even though he was now officially a healer priest. The only part he looked forward to was being able to get out of the stupid robes and don one of his kilts.
“Yes, out in the forest, where it’s nice and quiet.” Akir’s bright blue eyes sparkled as his gaze intensified.
“Fresh air it is.” A look like that from his friend meant that the other man was planning something.
The meal was finished quickly, Cináed forcing himself to eat at least part of the delicious fresh food on his plate. There was no point in deliberately reducing his strength. They returned their plates and eating utensils to the kitchen and made their way through the bare stone corridors to the exit. Though the guards gave them odd looks, they didn’t dare question the two white-robed healers, and let them pass unchallenged.
As soon as the heavy wooden double door closed behind them, Cináed breathed easier. One path led toward the sprawling city with its stone spires and broad alleyways at the foot of the hill, the other toward the wilds of the forest. Tall trees, overgrown by sùbh vines with their year-round red flowers, offered sanctuary from the glaring summer sunshine. The usual cacophony of multicolored birds greeted them as they approached the welcome shade. Soft moss replaced the prickly grass when they passed into the domain of the ancient darach trees.
They walked in silence for a while, making sure there was enough distance from the oppressive environment that had become their home when they’d left their families at age five. Both of them were supposed to have become warriors, but the tests all children had to go through had shown them to have the mental abilities required to work with the Slànach Stones. Since that always took precedence, it had made them wards of the Council of Priests, changing their lives forever.
“So, tell me what it is exactly that you can’t do anymore.” Akir had stopped walking and turned toward him.
“I told you that I was just tired.” Cináed wasn’t sure he’d be able to overcome twenty years of indoctrination. Talking about the doubts that had begun to plague him was risky, even though they were alone and nobody could possibly overhear their conversation. Voicing his secret thoughts would somehow make them more real and would make returning to being an obedient believer and servant even more difficult.
“You didn’t really think I’d believe that, did you?” Akir raised his eyebrows.
“Well….” He’d hoped it might be enough.
“Look, I’ve known you ever since we were put into the same student group after passing those tests. Something’s been bothering you since we graduated into full service last summer, and today’s exclamation expressed whatever it is that’s wrong with you.” Akir looked around and pointed at a fallen tree. “I think it’s pretty serious if it’s got you down this much, and I want to know what it is so I can help you.”
“There’s nothing you can do.” Cináed followed his friend into the clearing and sat down next to him.
“Aha, so you admit it.” Akir grinned, his white teeth flashing in the semishade.
“Talking about it could get us both into trouble.” Cináed looked down, no longer able to resist the intense curiosity coming from his friend in waves.
“I’ve never seen you so depressed, so it seems to me that not talking about it isn’t working too well either.” Akir put a hand on Cináed’s knee, making him look up in shock. Touching between males was forbidden by the Council of Priests. With that one move, Akir had made himself as vulnerable as if he’d openly spoken out against the religious rulers of Dálriata. “I think it’s time we’re honest with each other.”
“What are you doing, Akir?” Cináed was well aware of his own forbidden urges, his longing to touch another man. But he’d never thought of Akir that way—and he was almost certain his friend didn’t see him like that either. What was going on?
“I’m trying to make you see that we’re both on the same side.” Akir withdrew his hand and sighed. “We’ve always trusted each other, and yet we can’t seem to talk about things like we used to. Something is obviously bothering you, but you can’t, or won’t, talk to me about it. I think this religious indoctrination we’ve gone through has gotten between us, and I hate that.”
“You do? You never said anything.” As the words came out of his mouth, Cináed realized how stupid they were. “Of course you didn’t. It would’ve been too dangerous, with the way everyone is spying on everyone else.”
“That, and the fact that there never seemed to be any need. You seemed fine.” Akir tilted his head. “But that’s changed, hasn’t it?”
“It’s been gradual.” How was he going to explain this to his friend? He’d only fairly recently begun to understand it himself. “Have you ever wondered why we’re only supposed to heal the worthy?”
“No, not really. After all, the Slànach Stones are limited in number. Their energy gets used up over time and, until we find new ones, we’ll have to be careful about how we use them.” Akir frowned. “At least that’s the official line.”
“And that’s only part of what’s got me worried.” But it was the easier one to focus on, so he would start there. “What I want to know is why there aren’t any more of them when the history books tell us they’ve always been plentiful. From what I was able to find out by digging in the library records—once I had access to them after entering full service—the supply came to a sudden and unexplained stop about a thousand years ago.”
“That was when the last major wave of fugitives from Earth came through the Eye of Scota.” Akir scratched his head. “You think the two events are connected?”
“I don’t know. I don’t have any proof, but I think it’s odd that the Stones stopped being found right around the time that those fugitives brought the Crìosdaidh religion and the English language with them. It looks like something about those events or their consequences interfered with the supply. Equally puzzling is that those with the mental abilities to use the Stones seem to be fewer in each generation.” Cináed had done some careful checking of the numbers, and had been shocked when he’d found out that healers had once been very numerous.
“You’re sure?” Akir narrowed his eyes. “Just because there’ve been fewer acolytes each year doesn’t mean there’s a big problem.”
“This annual reduction in numbers has been going on for at least nine hundred years. Healers apparently used to make up about a quarter of the population.” He sighed. “I can’t help but think that the spread of this new belief system has something to do with all those changes.”
“That would explain why the Council of Priests keeps such tight control over who can be healed and who can’t. Since they’re in charge of the spiritual and physical health of the population, they had to find a system of rationing the dwindling quantity of Stones and for dealing with the reduction in the number of healers.” Akir nodded.
“This is exactly where my problem starts. Since they’re in control of the decisions, they get to decide who’s worthy. That leads to them favoring those who can help them remain in power. Not those who really need our help.” He’d had to turn away so many people who really needed him because they weren’t a member of the upper clans and didn’t have the money to pay the fees. Using money was the only way someone with a lower status had access to the healers‟ services.
“So that’s what you meant when you said that you can’t do this anymore.” Akir looked thoughtful.
“Exactly. It’s been bugging me ever since I started full service last year and was given the guidelines as to who can and who can’t be treated. Those criteria seemed arbitrary to me, wrong in principle and in what they make me do on a daily basis. Turning sick people away can’t be right, especially when they’re the ones who need our help most. That’s when I started digging into the history books and discovered this mess.” Sometimes he wished he hadn’t, because even though he knew the reasons, there still didn’t seem to be anything he could do to right this wrong.
Not being able to come up with a solution, Cináed decided it was time to go back. At least Akir was aware of the problem now, and hopefully, between the two of them, they’d be able to come up with some new ideas.
When they emerged from the forest’s shade, one of the special guards waited for them. His uniform wasn’t’ the simple black of the normal guards but decorated with gold tassels and buttons. He looked purposely intimidating. Cináed suddenly wished he’d taken his sword with him when they left the monastery. Not that there was any point in fighting this guard if he didn’t want to risk severe punishment, but it might have made him feel less exposed.
“His Holiness the High Priest Makolm wishes to see you immediately, Cináed MacAlpin.” The guard scowled. “I wouldn’t want to be in your shoes. You’ve made him wait because you left the monastery, and now you’re most definitely in trouble. Don’t think that he’ll be lenient just because you’re a healer. You’re insignificant compared to His Holiness.”
Oh, shit. Being called into the High Priest’s chambers couldn’t be good. Had the powerful man somehow found out about Cináed’s treacherous thoughts? Was the Inquisition going to get him for daring to challenge those in power?
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